[ she has faith in that honesty. not because what he says is comfortable. she can feel how it sits in her stomach like a stone; heavy with its own weight and truth, but manageable, as it must be. her hands fist, pressed over her stomach. the gesture isn't entirely voluntary. it's not enough to shove the sensation away.
she swallows, watching him from the corners of her eyes. she accepts what he says about her, too, because it isn't anything she feels needs an answer. he says what he means. that's been her experience. if it's easy or not to live with is up to her to handle, not for him to mitigate.
she lifts her chin, turning her face his way. ]
Yes. But not everyone will be.
[ there's no uncertainty in her heart when she makes that claim. a fondness, mingled in with the unhappy resignation, the fear of what violence meant, of having to welcome some of that violence into herself, wraps around her heart, making it easier to breathe. not by much, but by enough.
like the gun could be taken down into its composite parts, so could most challenges. things start out small. they're a sum of their parts, not a singular, looming inplacability she's been thrust up against.
the galaxy is likely different. there is a great capacity for harm, self interest, greed, all the self-satisfied and centralized emotions. but that, too, is a flaw of any group. she's started understanding the differences in perspective and species interests. how those even who look alike don't think alike. how kindness can be more costly than cruelty to some. how indifference and apathy are easier. how derision is simple when it means less is directed at you.
hope, and a love that's both general and specific, and a determination. all those confusing feelings, and she chooses to hold those tighter, and closer, as she stills where she sits by his side. ]
For all our differences, kindness will exist in others, too.
[ like you. ]
Not everyone. I...
[ it's difficult to weigh the needs of those she cares for most against the need to not indulge and lose herself to the violence that's becoming more and more commonplace in her life. she'd thought Oska and the insect violence was meant to be the odd interlude. now she's learning, firsthand, it's the kinder one. ]
To protect the ones who matter to me, others will be hurt.
[ a question, asking if she'll be that instrument of harm. not through fighting, necessarily; not through physical violence. but there are other ways to generate harm or situations. there has to be more than one way to protect. ]
No one can make you into something you don't want to be.
[ anakin faces her, then. his expression does not change, voice remaining as even — falling into patterns established with his padawan, themselves ways he learned as a padawan from his master. ( obi-wan would remind him chihiro is not a padawan, not a youngling, not a part of the order. obi-wan isn't there. ) ]
You remember what I told you of the Jedi. How we are peacekeepers.
[ guardians of the republic and every system. a lesson prompted by innocent questions early one morning as they began their exercises. ]
Jedi fought no war. Every Jedi carries a lightsaber, but no Jedi would draw it without first attempting to negotiate.
War broke out three years ago, the scope of which the galaxy hadn't seen in a thousand years. [ he looks away from her toward his bed, to the plastipaper file containing the only information he has had on luke. adam's apple bobbing as he swallows, anakin bows. ] A peaceful resolution wasn't an option. We had to fight to protect the Republic, and we fought to bring the war to a quick end.
Other people were fighting too, to end the war. There is one senator you would have liked. She, like you, doesn't like fighting. She does everything in her power to avoid it. She would rather people listened to one another. When fighting is unavoidable, she tries to limit losses on all sides.
[ he looks to her again. ]
I can't promise you no one will be hurt. [ wryly, his smile lifting at the corner of his mouth that only just reaches his eyes, ] Not even a Jedi can see the future that clearly. But I can tell you that you if you don't want to pick up a gun, you don't have to. There is more than one way to fight.
[ not usually ways he opts for, but. they exist. ]
[ she listens to Anakin, taking in his words, his glances, the way he moves as if it all has some deeper meaning she's trying to take in. to her it does. she respects and trusts Anakin. as Master Anakin, and as Anakin, teammate, and Anakin, Jedi.
that he says there's more than one way to fight matters to her. it matters in a way that leaves her chest feeling tight, like she can't breathe, on the cusp of crying. her eyes stay dry. she breathes in, breath catching, but she doesn't shudder. she just accepts that it hurts and feels better all at once. ]
What's the senator's name?
[ that's an example that Chihiro would like to follow. she has fought for what she believes in, and she has negotiated, and she has found solutions before that didn't rely on violence. limiting losses... that's not ideal, but ideals have so little to do with this world or situation she's in now. any of the world situations she's in anymore. ]
[ anakin breathes the name almost softly, almost like a prayer. as evident is the way his expression gentles, the way a shine rarely glimpsed enters his eyes. his face transforms with just the mention of her name.
it was the most beautiful name he had ever heard when he was nine-years-old and couldn't stop himself from blurting out that he thought her an angel ( couldn't stop himself sneaking glances at her in the minutes before, so remarkable she had been. ) she only became more beautiful with time, her name music, as much the one she wore in public as the one shared secretly between the two.
he dreamt of the day he could declare it publicly. she is mine as I am hers. he dreamt. ]
[ she doesn't say anything after listening to how he says this woman's name. she just manages a nod of her head, to show she heard and is listening, and a hum somewhere in the back of her throat.
the things that come to mind, like, she has a nice name or, I think I'd like to manage to believe and live like she does are things she does not say in this moment. it doesn't quite feel right to.
she does smile, though. it's nice to see anakin in this light too, as someone who is capable of so many of the same emotions as anyone else. she doesn't really get what it means to be a Jedi, and thankfully doesn't need to, for the most part. but as someone motivated by what she feels, as someone who has saved someone she loved on the strength of that emotion, it's something she can empathize with in whatever degree.
he's managed to leave her feeling much better, less uncertain, and more convinced that it's okay to turn away from fighting as a first response. at least fighting with violence. as he says, and as she knows, there are so many other ways to fight. his words simply make it real outside of her own confused heart. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
she swallows, watching him from the corners of her eyes. she accepts what he says about her, too, because it isn't anything she feels needs an answer. he says what he means. that's been her experience. if it's easy or not to live with is up to her to handle, not for him to mitigate.
she lifts her chin, turning her face his way. ]
Yes. But not everyone will be.
[ there's no uncertainty in her heart when she makes that claim. a fondness, mingled in with the unhappy resignation, the fear of what violence meant, of having to welcome some of that violence into herself, wraps around her heart, making it easier to breathe. not by much, but by enough.
like the gun could be taken down into its composite parts, so could most challenges. things start out small. they're a sum of their parts, not a singular, looming inplacability she's been thrust up against.
the galaxy is likely different. there is a great capacity for harm, self interest, greed, all the self-satisfied and centralized emotions. but that, too, is a flaw of any group. she's started understanding the differences in perspective and species interests. how those even who look alike don't think alike. how kindness can be more costly than cruelty to some. how indifference and apathy are easier. how derision is simple when it means less is directed at you.
hope, and a love that's both general and specific, and a determination. all those confusing feelings, and she chooses to hold those tighter, and closer, as she stills where she sits by his side. ]
For all our differences, kindness will exist in others, too.
[ like you. ]
Not everyone. I...
[ it's difficult to weigh the needs of those she cares for most against the need to not indulge and lose herself to the violence that's becoming more and more commonplace in her life. she'd thought Oska and the insect violence was meant to be the odd interlude. now she's learning, firsthand, it's the kinder one. ]
To protect the ones who matter to me, others will be hurt.
[ a question, asking if she'll be that instrument of harm. not through fighting, necessarily; not through physical violence. but there are other ways to generate harm or situations. there has to be more than one way to protect. ]
no subject
[ anakin faces her, then. his expression does not change, voice remaining as even — falling into patterns established with his padawan, themselves ways he learned as a padawan from his master. ( obi-wan would remind him chihiro is not a padawan, not a youngling, not a part of the order. obi-wan isn't there. ) ]
You remember what I told you of the Jedi. How we are peacekeepers.
[ guardians of the republic and every system. a lesson prompted by innocent questions early one morning as they began their exercises. ]
Jedi fought no war. Every Jedi carries a lightsaber, but no Jedi would draw it without first attempting to negotiate.
War broke out three years ago, the scope of which the galaxy hadn't seen in a thousand years. [ he looks away from her toward his bed, to the plastipaper file containing the only information he has had on luke. adam's apple bobbing as he swallows, anakin bows. ] A peaceful resolution wasn't an option. We had to fight to protect the Republic, and we fought to bring the war to a quick end.
Other people were fighting too, to end the war. There is one senator you would have liked. She, like you, doesn't like fighting. She does everything in her power to avoid it. She would rather people listened to one another. When fighting is unavoidable, she tries to limit losses on all sides.
[ he looks to her again. ]
I can't promise you no one will be hurt. [ wryly, his smile lifting at the corner of his mouth that only just reaches his eyes, ] Not even a Jedi can see the future that clearly. But I can tell you that you if you don't want to pick up a gun, you don't have to. There is more than one way to fight.
[ not usually ways he opts for, but. they exist. ]
no subject
that he says there's more than one way to fight matters to her. it matters in a way that leaves her chest feeling tight, like she can't breathe, on the cusp of crying. her eyes stay dry. she breathes in, breath catching, but she doesn't shudder. she just accepts that it hurts and feels better all at once. ]
What's the senator's name?
[ that's an example that Chihiro would like to follow. she has fought for what she believes in, and she has negotiated, and she has found solutions before that didn't rely on violence. limiting losses... that's not ideal, but ideals have so little to do with this world or situation she's in now. any of the world situations she's in anymore. ]
Thank you, Master Anakin. For telling me this.
no subject
[ anakin breathes the name almost softly, almost like a prayer. as evident is the way his expression gentles, the way a shine rarely glimpsed enters his eyes. his face transforms with just the mention of her name.
it was the most beautiful name he had ever heard when he was nine-years-old and couldn't stop himself from blurting out that he thought her an angel ( couldn't stop himself sneaking glances at her in the minutes before, so remarkable she had been. ) she only became more beautiful with time, her name music, as much the one she wore in public as the one shared secretly between the two.
he dreamt of the day he could declare it publicly. she is mine as I am hers. he dreamt. ]
no subject
the things that come to mind, like, she has a nice name or, I think I'd like to manage to believe and live like she does are things she does not say in this moment. it doesn't quite feel right to.
she does smile, though. it's nice to see anakin in this light too, as someone who is capable of so many of the same emotions as anyone else. she doesn't really get what it means to be a Jedi, and thankfully doesn't need to, for the most part. but as someone motivated by what she feels, as someone who has saved someone she loved on the strength of that emotion, it's something she can empathize with in whatever degree.
he's managed to leave her feeling much better, less uncertain, and more convinced that it's okay to turn away from fighting as a first response. at least fighting with violence. as he says, and as she knows, there are so many other ways to fight. his words simply make it real outside of her own confused heart. ]