I am glad the winds did not take you. [ He cannot find life-threatening conditions dull if he is dead. ] It is good to read your words. What of your squidge?
[ One can almost hear the pause as she thinks out the ridiculous word. ]
Refusing to sleep. He's used to having Blue near. Blue is Luke's squidge. [ because that might have needed an explanation. ] We were separated by the tornado. I'm waiting on the winds to die down.
[ Reporting back on the conditions of the paths they'd seen between the Fracking Fields and the Boneyard Junction none of them had managed to reach quite yet. It had seemed straightforward, and her nebulous concept of rewards for accepting bounties had meant she expected little to nothing. When her expectations had been met, that was fine enough as it was.
Being notified to pick up a package from the Mayor's office, on the other hand, came as a surprise. Late afternoon brought her to their doorstep; she waits amidst the scents of sage and sunwarm tar, sickly sweet in the afternoon's gentle haze.
The haze she steps back out into, hat dangling at her upper back, is not entirely a product of the lazy afternoon sunlight. She walks with a wooden sort of unease, hands locked around the stock and barrel of a pulse rifle she refuses to allow to touch her body. At the same time, she doesn't extend her arms out in front of her, instead keeping them bent at the elbow as she makes her stilted progress back toward the Reverend's house. Why? She helped Shuyi and reported back on the paths that might have lead toward Boneyard Junction, if the rockslides and sinkholes didn't make them treacherous. Why? Guns, even guns that shoot light, aren't multifunctional the way a knife is, or practical the way unarmed combat could be. Guns were made to shoot; guns were violence, even if it was a violence that kept a family fed.
She's not a hunter. She's a fighter, but that has had nothing to do with violence until she was plunged into it here. First the insects in Oska, then the bandits on the train. Running across that man in chains all covered in injuries, all the dead bodies he'd been kneeling down surrounded by... the self immolation of Evan under attack from the sandworm, and the viscera covering him, the walls, herself, but not so much Urahara.
She shivers, and the shiver becomes a shudder, and the shudder brings on the nausea she has to swallow down. On some level she's aware of who she's looking for when she stops outside the Reverend's house. Anakin has become enough of a constant, someone she has to report to and perform for, someone who she doesn't want to let down simply in practice; Anakin, teaching her self defense, and the only person she refers to as Master (by request) while accepting the formality of such bonds.
She holds the pulse rifle in her hands, fingers white as she holds on tight enough that she can't run away. ]
Master Anakin?
[ Calling out from beyond the porch, not sure if he's there, or if it's Kung Jin, or if it's Arima, which of the Several Deadly Former Strangers Cum Teammates she lives with here. Not sure if technically she's talking to empty air. She supposes if she is, she can go hide this under her pillow and find him again later, like some strange denial of an increasingly difficult to understand reality.
She doesn't want this.
She doesn't want any of this.
Because if this goes too far, will she even be able to go home? ]
Chihiro? [ only one person calls him such ( kylo ren opting for the far more formal "master skywalker" ), but the upward turn that turns her name into a question is not due to not knowing who calls.
stepping outside, anakin frowns when he takes in her expression, deeper when he notes what she's holding. the sight is entirely incongruous. not because of her age ( children younger than she were given a lightsaber and taught to wield it. boys and girls not that much older picked up blasters and joined the adults in armed resistance. it was war, and it was awful, and there was no help for any of it. ) it's wrong because she had previously expressed her dislike for violence, and he respected it. it's wrong because she looks like she was told to hold a bomb; let go, it all goes boom. ]
What are you doing with that?
[ anakin recognizes it: one of the light pulse rifles the qorral favor. that answer, however, fails to explain why she has it. he holds his hand out, the right, always covered by a black glove up to his elbow. even when he meditates — dressed down to his undertunic and pants — he never removes the glove. ]
[ she steps forward, offering the pulse rifle over with the same care that's afraid of accidentally triggering some sort of violence she can't control. it's ridiculous. she knows the safety's on, she asked for them to check and show her what it looked like before she left. it still doesn't feel safe.
handing it over to an adult she trusts is an immense weight off her shoulders, one that manifests almost immediately. she breathes out in a sigh of relief once she's handed him the rifle, comforted by the familiarity of that black glove, his voice, the certainty that he at least will know what to do with a pulse rifle. her fingers twitch after she lets go. she massages one hand with the other, hiding the lingering tremor in her limbs by keeping them moving as she focuses on breathing. in. one two three. out. one two three.
then answer. her master's asking a question. it's not right to fail to respond. ]
I was told it was a reward for services rendered on behalf of ALASTAIR's mission objectives.
[ a bloated corpse of a memory floats to the surface. memory translates to thought. thought transliterates to text. ]
It can't stop people from dying.
[ to make the unintentional slip seem deliberate, ] But many of the Masters have extended lifespans decades past their species'. Those who know the Force can live longer, retain their youth longer. Then once they die, they become one with the Force.
Did they run out of meal tickets? [ a little too dry for sarcasm; an inch too sharp to be wry. she's still upset. it's obvious in her manner; concern threads through her in the force. his hand, the one still made of muscle and bone, settles on chihiro's shoulder. ]
Let's go inside. Come on.
[ the reverend had given them all a firm discussion on what was expected and what was allowed. violence had ranked up there with drunkenness in his list of nos. anakin checks the weapon. the safety is on, but he takes it several steps further. the power pack slides out first. anakin collapses the rest of the rifle into its component parts. in pieces, the rifle is almost lost in the mess of parts that so frequently dominate his area. when and where he sleeps are good questions seeing how much of his time is kept busy repairing things for the reverend or others in town or making improvements for his own use.
with space on his bed restricted, anakin takes a seat on the bed that had been luke's. it has been kept as luke left it. just in case. anakin pats the spot next him for her to join him. ]
[ It's not a question that requires an answer; Chihiro breathes out with a sense of small relief as she feels his hand on her shoulder. More so as they head in, and he proceeds to take apart the gun, reducing it to its separate pieces. There's something fascinating in that deconstruction, something safer in the sum of parts being laid out and so easily seen.
The frightening realities in life are composed of smaller things. At times she forgets that truth. In such a simple way, he's reminding her of it now, her heart beating a little less hard, feeling a little less overwhelmed as he moves through his organised form of chaos, seating himself on the other bed. At his indication, she follows, turning to sit on the bed and use her hands to push herself further back until the backs of her knees hit the edge of the mattress. Quiet for a beat, she glances over to Anakin. ]
Master Anakin? The violence here isn't really going to end, is it.
[ She means with ALASTAIR. But she also means in Perdition's Rest, and enough has happened to her by now that she's pulled through by the skin of her teeth and the blessing of the preternatural abilities of others, it's hard to separate the two. ]
[She's not sure what might've prompted him to say such a thing - most things are no match for death, that much she's accepted - but she leaves it at that, not wanting to press too far. As for the rest—]
And those who know the Force—is it something they're born with, or something they learn over time?
Both. Those who are attuned to the Force are called Force-sensitives. Without training, use is largely unconscious. The Jedi take in Force-sensitive children and teach them to consciously sense and manipulate the Force.
[ a very different girl on a very different world once voiced a similar question. as he had her, anakin answers chihiro. ]
No, it won't.
[ he has no intention to frighten or unsettle her. neither will he lie. perdition's rest has been dangerous, and a greater threat looms on the horizon. perhaps she could be sheltered for the duration of this mission. kept far away from danger. but she is not only a child, but a part of the team. more missions will follow this one. each has proven risky. of those anakin has been present for only one did not erupt in violence. yet the exception still demanded he take a lightsaber to defend himself and others from vicious alien plants and beasts. ]
You have a good heart, Chihiro. [ anakin regards her patiently. ] You're kind and clever. They're traits that will help you often.
[ his gaze drops, and moves away. anakin looks ahead of him, artificial hand resting over the real. ]
The galaxy is different. The people you find, [ he exhales through his nose, ] will be very different.
[ she has faith in that honesty. not because what he says is comfortable. she can feel how it sits in her stomach like a stone; heavy with its own weight and truth, but manageable, as it must be. her hands fist, pressed over her stomach. the gesture isn't entirely voluntary. it's not enough to shove the sensation away.
she swallows, watching him from the corners of her eyes. she accepts what he says about her, too, because it isn't anything she feels needs an answer. he says what he means. that's been her experience. if it's easy or not to live with is up to her to handle, not for him to mitigate.
she lifts her chin, turning her face his way. ]
Yes. But not everyone will be.
[ there's no uncertainty in her heart when she makes that claim. a fondness, mingled in with the unhappy resignation, the fear of what violence meant, of having to welcome some of that violence into herself, wraps around her heart, making it easier to breathe. not by much, but by enough.
like the gun could be taken down into its composite parts, so could most challenges. things start out small. they're a sum of their parts, not a singular, looming inplacability she's been thrust up against.
the galaxy is likely different. there is a great capacity for harm, self interest, greed, all the self-satisfied and centralized emotions. but that, too, is a flaw of any group. she's started understanding the differences in perspective and species interests. how those even who look alike don't think alike. how kindness can be more costly than cruelty to some. how indifference and apathy are easier. how derision is simple when it means less is directed at you.
hope, and a love that's both general and specific, and a determination. all those confusing feelings, and she chooses to hold those tighter, and closer, as she stills where she sits by his side. ]
For all our differences, kindness will exist in others, too.
[ like you. ]
Not everyone. I...
[ it's difficult to weigh the needs of those she cares for most against the need to not indulge and lose herself to the violence that's becoming more and more commonplace in her life. she'd thought Oska and the insect violence was meant to be the odd interlude. now she's learning, firsthand, it's the kinder one. ]
To protect the ones who matter to me, others will be hurt.
[ a question, asking if she'll be that instrument of harm. not through fighting, necessarily; not through physical violence. but there are other ways to generate harm or situations. there has to be more than one way to protect. ]
[ not the truthful one. not entirely. not everywhere. not so outside of the republic in planets like where he was born and raised for the first nine years of his life.
it is not expected among their enemies. but to anakin, that is proof of why the sith are a bastardization of everything the jedi are, of everything the jedi strive to be.
( something in him twisted every time his son spoke of wanting to be a jedi. like him. he did not try to make sense of it then, and as with much else about luke the memory is overwhelmed by his fear that was all the time he will have with his son. a blink and gone. ) ]
[How nice it must be, to have such ready support in something so vast and large and likely uncommon in the rest of the populace. (Or so she imagines.) To her, the Force may as well be akin to magic, an unseen force capable of great (and terrible) things.
Her own thoughts on magic and skills beyond the ordinary are conflicted. Maybe his aren't.]
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